‘Blowing their Top’?
People who get mad a lot, particularly over little things, are really telling us they feel out of control in some aspect of their life. Generally the small things they appear to be getting mad at, aren’t the real reasons they are mad.
Firstly, always check in and listen to what the person is saying in case there is a very valid point about you, that you can address and change to help the situation.
However, here we’re talking about common occurrences of yelling and/or getting upset or frustrated at the little things. You have probably experienced someone like this in either your personal or professional life.
So these tips can be applied both at work or home – to anyone who dares to yell at you!
6 TOP TIPS!
1. Stay calm
Your heart rate might start to race when someone is yelling at you, but it’s important to stay calm on the inside and BREATH.
Work on calming down your inner self and remain looking calm on the outside.
Keep your face and body relaxed.
Chances are they are letting loose i.e. raving on and on about something – which actually gives you TIME to work on being calm before you need to respond! :-)
2. Don’t be or show that you’re afraid!
If you can see a “mad manager” walking around your office or they are directly yelling at you – don’t be afraid. (Unless you fear physical violence then best step away fast!) Certainly don’t coward down to a person who is yelling. They are only emotions and they OWN their emotions, don’t allow them to put their emotions onto you.
3. Ask intelligent questions.
For example in a confident and caring way, ask with a concerned look on your face that also says – I know you’re really upset but I know I’m not the deep cause of your anger and I’m not going to ‘buy into’ this behaviour of yours or think for a second it’s all my fault.
“Is everything is ok?”
This can show, if done correctly, that you can see the real reason why they are getting mad, is NOT what they’re blowing up about. This is your chance to show your emotional intelligence and insight.
4. Never get mad back.
People might push your buttons and if you do get mad, well that is for another topic of discussion (i.e. Finding your own deeper causes of what is upsetting YOU! Contact me today if you need help with this.)
So never get mad back, because this just turns into a fight and you have raised your voice, volume and emotions to match theirs. Instead as tip #1 stay calm and strong so they have to come down and match your calm state.
If a person is lashing out, what they really need in that moment is love, understanding and care. For that person is upset and feeling out of control…. and that’s not nice.
* It doesn’t mean we allow them to take it out on us, but that we know it’s not a nice place for anyone to be in, and we wouldn’t ever wish it on others.
5. Don’t criticise them or put them down.
We are not here to judge others, but we do teach others how to communicate with us.
You could ask (and this is my personal example I used with someone, many years ago, who used to yell at me, but not anymore!) in a calm voice:
“Why are you yelling?”
The person responded yelling at the top of their voice:
“I’M NOT YELLING!!!”
* Quickly realising yelling that statement was a bit silly and calmed right down instantly :-)
With this question, the person will think about the real reason why they are so mad or frustrated, and not actually be able to answer this question and often they walk away or calm down. The reason for this is because, more often than not it’s either:
1. Nothing to do with what they are yelling about or,
2. It’s too private or difficult for them to share.
So often in the workplace, the underlying cause won’t generally have a lot to do with you. It’s something personal or other work issues within them. Or if it does have something to do with you, it goes much, much deeper…. and they can’t seem to speak to you about it in a way that they think will gain a successful resolution. It’s best to help them try, by creating an open and safe environment to communicate with you in.
6. Be assertive
Here is a great example of a way you can respond any time anyone is yelling at you, at work or at home – whatever the topic or situation:
“I would really like to talk to you about this issue, but not when you’re yelling at me, so perhaps you can calm down now and we can discuss it in a professional and/or nice way, or let me know if and when you’re ready to talk to me calmly in the future.”
Here you are open and willing to talk, just not in that way.
Taking this approach using the 6 tips above, helps communicate to the person yelling, that you’re not someone to be yelled at or someone they can take their frustrations out on.
Remember only 7% of our communication comes from the words we use, so embrace the message you want to deliver with your entire body language and inner thoughts and intentions of a positive outcome.
All the best in teaching others that you are not someone to be yelled at!
Try it out for yourself if and when you need to, and let me know how you get on! I would love to hear from you.
Thanks for reading and until next time…
Live Your Best Life!
Jacqueline Pigdon, The LOVE MONDAYS Expert is an Australian rowing champion, a spiritual life & career coach, author and award winning entrepreneur! Beginning her career in corporate IT and as an elite sports person she knows firsthand how to achieve goals and make a successful and fulfilling career transition. Jacqueline has dedicated her life to helping other women all around the world do the same and create a career and life they love!
To get a copy of Jacqueline’s BOOK ‘Love Mondays Now – 5 Steps to a career & life you love CLICK HERE!