One of the biggest questions I have for my clients when they are avoiding a conversation in fear of confrontation and therefore conflict is:

‘Why does it have to be a difficult conversation?’

If your think it will be hard chances are it will be. Because what we put out there is what we get back.

Thinking it has to be ‘hard‘ is only a thought or a deeply ingrained belief. Maybe you’ve had many of these conversations and they’ve always turned out badly.

But do they always have to be like that in the future or even right now, today?

No they don’t.

Not if you know how.

Everything is easy when you know how. Maybe you just haven’t found the strategy yet that works for you.

And how do you know you’ve overcome difficult conversations and that it has worked for you?

You’re left feeling peaceful within. You’re happy about the conversation. You walk away feeling good about it.

Would you like to have a peaceful outcome? 

Let’s break down ‘Conflict Resolution’ to just Resolution i.e. resolving an issue.

What’s an issue? To me, I believe it is anything that’s on your mind. As small or silly you might think something is and that it really ‘shouldn’t’ be bothering you, if it is… It’s something that is unresolved, something that disturbs your peace.

And until you ‘resolve’ that thing, it’s only going to hold you back from achieving bigger things in your life, reaching your goals and your potential.

An issue that needs to be resolved, something on your mind, may come and go and you might try and push it aside but it randomly or sometimes aggressively reappears.

What can you do about this?

Change your perception on it. 

See it as an opportunity to resolve it, to grow and learn. For if we don’t address and resolve things when they are a seed. Guess what happens? The issue just grows. It can grow into a giant oak tree and if and when that happens it means we can’t ignore it any longer and it takes much more work and strength to chop it down.

So start early, get onto it, don’t be afraid of sorting out a tiny issue.

HERE’S HOW

Step 1 – INTENTION

I believe our intention is huge and very powerful – what is your intention going into the conversation? I.e. what do you ultimately want to achieve?

My advice for a good intention is to have the goal of coming out of the conversation feeling good about the conversation, that your issue has been resolved and you also left the other person feeling good about it too.

Now this is quite an art and can take a bit of practice but it’s completely possible.

What I find is that if you have an issue about a particular thing with someone else, they often have an issue about it too.

So actually addressing it and resolving it, can take a load off their mind too. 

Confronting – no, you’re actually doing them and yourself a favour!

So don’t be afraid. 

Of course if you don’t have a strategy or an idea on how to do this, you will be afraid.

Step 2 – ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR PART

In any conflict resolution, I find that 9 times out of 10 each person has done or said something of value. A good point. But at the same time each person could have also done something differently or better.

So when having a conversation it’s essential that you acknowledge what the person has done right. 

Why? You’re thinking what??? But what about all the things or THE thing they did absolutely badly or how they hurt me or did wrong by me!?!?!

The reason why you acknowledge a true point they have made (and that might be an attack, even criticism of you, if it’s actually true, own it) is because then they will feel heard. i.e. They will see you were listening to them.

And when a person feels heard, they relax and calm down and are more likely to be open to listening to you. 

Step 3 – CALM CONVO’S

Keep your eye on your intention, even if the conversation is going off path and you feel like it’s getting out of control. Remember the goal!

Once they’ve calmed down and you’ve remained calm and after you’ve acknowledged what you could have done differently, be assertive and deliver your point respectfully.

When you own your own actions, acknowledge a point they have made without making excuses for it, it gives the other person permission to do the same.

They come down from being defensive and/or aggressive and meet you at where you are.

MY INSPIRATION?

I was inspired to write about this today after seeing the above featured image. I know there are peaceful ways to both live and communicate in this world, and personally I like to operate this way 99% of the time, but I also know there is power and opportunity for growth, in our frustrations. The benefits can sometimes seem hidden within, but if we look for them, we so often find the answers to our biggest questions. 

This is just a high level quick snapshot on one strategy on how you can address issues by confronting them without conflict.

If you would like help on how to prepare for and confront a specific issue with someone in your life that is leaving you avoiding them or a conversation, or you’re having conversations with them that leave you feeling mad, upset, uneasy, powerless of change and/or really frustrated, then please feel free to get in touch with me and my team. 

I look forward to the opportunity to teach you how to have empowering conversations that not only resolve your issues but leave you and the other person feeling great! 

 Jacqueline Pigdon, is an Australian rowing champion, international spiritual life and business coach, Wealth and Talent Dynamics consultant, author, speaker and award winning entrepreneur!

 Become the Champion in your  life and business that you know you can be!